My lost story

Well here I am. Lost in my head once again. It dawned on me lately that I don't tell 'my story' anymore. It's in my head, on the tip of my tongue but it never makes it out. It's trapped inside of me. I don't mind if people know but when once I was as open as a book I now just can't seem to share myself with people. And of course as I am typing this I start thinking and the pieces fall together. I've lost connections. I'm not as close to people anymore. I've reached out and it just hasn't been reciprocated, which is fine but friendship is a two way street and I've been on a lot of one ways in the past. I just don't care for the fakeness anymore. It's too complicated. It's too childish. We are only getting older and I don't need the drama in my life. I want simplicity. I want truth. I want real. I'm not going to fight for friendships if they don't feel my friendship is worth fighting for. So why open up to people and share my story when they aren't going to be lasting relationships. I know that in doing this I may be cutting myself short of long last great friendships but I think if someone truly wants to be in your life then they will be. Right now I'm just more focused on myself and my family. I'm learning to rewrite 'my story'. It doesn't have to be a sad ending, it can be a happy story filled with love, laughter and family.

Where have you been?

Man its been a long time. I disappeared for a while but I'm back now. Life has taken its toll and I've gotten mad and angry and lost but I'm slowly starting to find my smile again. I started to feel exposed and my grief from the infertility was overwhelming so I had to stop writing. Things haven't changed. We are still trying for another child with no such luck but I've learned to accept it and while I do still have hope that it will one day happen it is no longer my primary focus. I still have my days but they are far and few in between.
I'm hoping that by writing again I can continue to get back to me. I miss blogging. I miss writing. I've recently started drawing again and trying my hand at watercolor. Its a good thing to keep me busy.