We had a very laid back relaxing weekend. Jay went disc golfing all day on Saturday so Colton and I headed out to my parents house for some delicious dinner. I wish I would of brought my camera with me. Colt was following his Popo around the back yard and wouldn't come in unless Popo was too. It was cute. We stayed until around 9pm. It was great to spend some time out at their house with them.
On Sunday we stayed in bed until almost 10am!! I haven't stayed in bed that long in who knows how long. I made scrambled eggs, sausage and pancakes for breakfast. It was pretty good if I do say so myself! And I'm pretty sure Colton agreed! :)
We then just sat around and watched movies and played games. At some point in the afternoon we discussed Coltons hair and how bad he needed a haircut. Jay has been dying to shave his head since he had his first haircut. Actually he wanted to shave it for his first haircut. No way was that happening! Money is tight right now so I finally agreed to let him shave it. It was a few hours later when he went to actually do it, by that time I was having cold feet. Colt of course freaked out and didn't like it. A few tears later from both mom & son and the head shaving was finished and into the bubble bath he went. I wasn't too sure about it at first but its really growing on me now. I think he likes it too, although he did ask me 'where hair at?' when he got out of the bath. :)
So we did a round of clomid in July. It didn't work. I was miserable the whole month. I had to go have my lab work done on days 3 and 23. I was having severe pain in my lower abdomen/pelvic area. The pain was so intense that I got sick from it a lot. All I wanted to do all month was lay in bed. I think I had just about
every side effect possible from this medicine. None of that matters though. I'd do it all over again. I don't care if the pain had to be 10x worse, I'd still do it if it meant I'd have a baby as a end result.
Jay and I talked and we decided that we'd take a break. Not from trying, just from fertility drugs. I told everyone it was because I needed a break physically and emotionally. I thought if I told everyone those reasons then I would eventually believe them and be okay with it. Its not working. We can't afford it right now. My insurance doesn't pay for anything. The drugs were affordable but the lab work twice a month and doc appts twice a month..it was all $100+ each time. It was putting a strain on us financially.
I had my followup appointment with my doctor at the beginning of this month. I was so scared, I was shaking. After I signed in I had to sit there amongst all these 'about to pop' pregnant women who were complaining about this and that. I wanted to scream at them instead I sat there with my head hung low and my charts in hand. As soon as I got taken back to the room I just started crying. I didn't want to be there telling her I had to take a break. It was like my heart was breaking and crumbling to pieces as I said the words. She was very understanding and said she would continue to pray for me.
I stopped charting and spending my days looking up PCOS and infertility. Out of sight, out of mind right? Eh.. Not so much. It is still constantly on my mind. I worry that this break time could of been THE TIME for it to happen but since we took a break I ruined those chances. I got teary eyed when walking through the car seat section at walmart yesterday. I had to high-tail it out of there before I turned into a snotty mess. I have been trying to just keep it all inside but the more I do that the more I feel like I'm going to explode. I just don't feel like anyone wants to listen to it anymore. The one thing that bothers me the most is when you put yourself out there only to have your feelings completely trampled on. So sometimes I just put my wall up and try to keep my fake smile on my face.
Check out the link above for more information on clomid.
Whew….What a day. Yesterday was very trying, honestly, so was the past week. Colton broke out in hives all over his body, you could tell he was absolutely miserable. How do you keep a two year old from scratching? I’m not sure that it is even possible. I gave him benadryl but that didn’t keep him from scratching himself raw. I ended up taking him to the pediatrics urgent care on Saturday night. It was our first time going there and I absolutely loved it. That will be our ‘go to’ place for after-hours from now on. The waiting room was plain and simple and they had cartoons on tv to help entertain. They were really fast about getting us back and weighing Colt(28.4lbs) and then the doctor was there almost immediately. She said it was a food allergy since he wasn’t having any other symptoms with it. I was giving him ¼ tsp of benadryl because I didn’t know how much to give. She said I could give him ¾ tsp with his weight at 28lbs. Oops. They gave him a steroid shot, that was super fun!!! Not! She had him sit up and then I had to hug him and hold his hands so he couldn’t grab at her. She sat against us with his legs tucked between our legs and she was supposedly going to hold him there. Yeah Right!! Who was she kidding, this is a two year old who most of the time can overpower me. She had him to where he could see what she was doing. You never let a toddler or any child for that matter watch you give them a shot with a huge long needle. It freaked him out more than anything. I tried to shield his eyes but then she yelled at me to hold his hand. Okay she didn’t yell but that’s how I heard it. It wasn’t his hands she needed to be worried about though. He was kicking and straightening his legs and pushing so hard(he made himself toot! Ha!) I think that nurse needs a little more training on toddlers. Overall it was fine though. He got a sucker but then that one wasn’t the one he wanted and he threw a fit so I let him pick a different one. The first sucker that was already in his mouth is now still residing in the side pocket of my purse. We walked out to the waiting room to leave and he ran to the toys with his sucker in his mouth while I was digging out my keys. Then he looks down at his leg and sees the snoopy band-aid and starts saying ‘ouch’ and crying so I took the sucker out of his mouth and that just ticked him off so he started crying more. The entire car ride was him saying ouchie every couple minutes. I felt horrible and like I needed a really stiff drink so we went to McDonalds and I got him a happy meal and I settled for a small hazelnut latte. I don’t believe neither one of us were really satisfied.
Since then the hives have finally started to go away but what fun would that be? This house cant handle healthy residents so lets move on to allergies and colds. My poor child cant catch a break. He looks horrible. His face is covered in dry snot. I make him blow his nose and clean him off and two seconds later I turn around and he has a snail trail across his cheeks again.
You’d think with all the sickness he would be laying around watching cartoons. Instead he likes to tear things up. I walked in the living room yesterday to find that he pulled on my curtains until he ripped them from the wall and made a big hole. I was so mad! I have a huge front window that was now completely open for all my of my neighbors to look in. Luckily Jay was able to quick-fix it when he got home.
Colton has been pushing all my buttons lately. How do they know which ones are the right ones? He gets it right every single time. It must be a lesson taught in the womb.
He just grabbed and spilled my cup of coffee(it wasn’t hot) so I’m off to clean and weep in coffee.
We ran some errands today with my mom(Marnee as Colt calls her). We went and ate some yummy Rex's chicken and then stopped by target and a couple other places. Marnee bought Colt a toolbench. He absolutely loves it. He has been playing with it since we got home. I have a feeling he will be trying to sleep in his hard hat and safety glasses.
I've been in a cooking mood latelly. Colton and I had some yummy chicken and peppers quesadillas the other day and then I've been making egg,bacon and cheese burritos for breakfast. I've been trying alot of new and different things latelly. Some turn into keepers and others...not so much. Its a learning process. I'm just tired of cooking the same ole stuff all the time so Jay is going to have to open his tastebuds to some new flavors because I have gone way too long without using the ingredients that I love!! :)