Thursday, August 30, 2012

In my arms you'll be...

I picture you in my mind as I wait. I hold you in my heart. I imagine your interactions with your big brother. I think of what it will be like to hold you for the first time. One day soon I promise.

“But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.” Isaiah 43:1

Monday, August 27, 2012

I wait

Have you ever waited for something to happen and even though you know it won't happen you still hope that the next passing will be different? That this next time will make everything better. That the person will realize that they miss you just as much as you miss them. Every day you think today will be the day they will say something. Today will be the day they will just grab you and hug you because they need it and they know you need it. Today will be the day that they won't let pass by without telling you how they feel because they know how short life is.

Yesterday I hoped for today.
Today I slowed my pace.
Tomorrow I'll hold my breath.

Only so many days can pass before its too late. I don't want it to be too late.

ConceiveEasy -Review-

As many of you know, my husband and I have been actively trying to get knocked up for over three years now. It has been a long and trying process. When you are trying all you want to do is get pregnant fast. You never imagine that it won't happen as quickly as you'd like. It has been a hard journey for us, me especially. It really takes an emotional toll on you. Going to my doctor became expensive and I couldn't afford it any longer so I was thrilled when I came across  ConceiveEasy , fertility pills over the counter, yes please! 

About ConceiveEasy:
ConceiveEasy® is a 100% Drug Free, safe and all natural solution for enhancing your body's own natural fertility and dramatically increasing your chances of conception. In a long-term efficacy and safety study, no common side effects have been reported with ConceiveEasy®.
ConceiveEasy TTC Kit System works great for:
  • Unexplained infertility
  • Stimulating ovulation
  • Regulating cycles
  • Lengthening luteal phase
  • Increasing fertile CM

The package  I received is like the one pictured above. It included ConceiveEasy Months 1 & 2, 10 pregnancy & ovulation tests, a Digital Basal Thermometer, and the Get Started TTC Kit guide. I also received a bonus of 10 pregnancy tests and 10 ovulation tests. Everything has been easy to use and understand. I was afraid the pills would be horse pills but surprisingly they aren't. They aren't any bigger than an ibuprofen bar. I am very happy with this product and hopeful that I will be pregnant in the near future. 

I received the ConceiveEasy TTC kit free of charge in exchange for my honest review. All opinions stated are my own. No other compensation was provided. 

Friday, August 24, 2012

A torn heart

My heart aches. It aches because I do not understand. How can you be so close with someone one day and the next it's as if you never even knew them. There are no words to explain. There are no actions to show they care. You're just left here alone not understanding what happened. Feeling forgotten. Feeling uncared for, unloved. Questioning every memory made. Wondering if it was real. Feeling this way is heartbreaking. It hurts so much being left behind and feeling like it doesn't even matter to them. Like your pain doesn't matter. Do they feel the same pain? You make someone such a huge part of your life, part of your heart, how can they just disappear before your eyes. Everything you once knew is no longer there. It is absolutely heart wrenching.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Big little brother

My brother was in a bike wreck last week. Never in my life have I been so scared. I have had awful moments in my life but I've been able to prepare for them. This was one of those things that I didn't know if he was going to be 100% okay or not. He may be in his twenties but he is still my little brother. To me he will always be eight years old. I feel like I'm suppose to protect him and with this there just isn't anything I can do. He is okay but he got road rash bad and he is in pain. I do not like seeing him in pain. It breaks my heart. Please pray for quick healing and pain relief for him.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

A new leaf

Things have been good lately. I've changed my focus and it's allowed me to keep my emotions in check. It's not that I don't care anymore because I do but I realized that I can't change things. I can't do anything to make it different so why let it control me.

The man and I have been working on things around the house. We've painted and put in wood floors throughout the living room and hallway. It looks so good. We will be putting up new baseboards this weekend and I'll post a pic of the finished look after that. Next we need to get new living room furniture. Hopefully we will be able to agree on something when that time comes. Ha!

The dog has surgery tomorrow morning to get a mass removed. I'm slightly nervous only because he is so old but the vet said he will do great. So prayers for the furkid would be appreciated.

The kid starts school next week. Second year of Pre-K here we come! He is excited. It's a new school with a new teacher. It will be different this year because it's all week long but less hours a day. I won't have to mess with packing him a lunch since he will go to school in the mornings and then we will have lunch together after I pick him up. I'm hoping that school will wear him out enough that we can have naptime after lunch. I can't believe my baby boy is growing up so fast!

Things are busy. Which means my mind is busy. All is well.

Thursday, August 9, 2012


I am me. I'm the same person I have always been. I haven't changed and I won't be changing. Not for you or any one else. I'm fine with who I am and you used to be too. I don't know what has changed. Things aren't like they used to be. People aren't who they've always been. And yet I'm still just me. I'm not going to shed anymore tears for this. I can't. I'm saddened by it and I'm hurt but I'm not going to let it control me or my thoughts anymore.

Actions speak louder than words. There are no actions and there are no words. Whats left?

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Pillow Stains

Every night I wake up to tears falling. I lay here and i cry. The shut off valve is broken. Nobody gets it, nobody understands. I'm chained and trapped here alone while everyone has gone. I'm still here, fading fast.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

A dream within a dream

You were a girl again this time. You weren't born yet though. I was laying there and you kicked me. It was one of those kicks at the end of the pregnancy where I could see your foot sticking out. I started rubbing in that same spot to get you to do it again. Then I woke up. I started rubbing my belly again when I realized I probably wasn't far enough along yet to feel you kicking, then I woke up from that dream rubbing my belly with the realization that you aren't in there. My mind was awake but my body was frozen. I couldn't get up. A dream within a dream.

I wish dreaming of you could leave me with happiness. I wish I could wake up and just smile to myself thinking of you. It never ends that way. I always wake in sadness and grief.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

-Review- Grieving God's Way

Grieving God's WayThe Path to Lasting Hope and Healing

By Margaret Brownley
Published by Thomas Nelson

Book Description

A 90-day devotional healing experience for the grieving spirit.
The death of a family member or friend is devastating. In fact, it can take five years or more for a person to adequately work through his or her grief, but because we live in a fast-paced society, we often sweep it under the rug or ignore it altogether. God has another plan.
Man's Way: Numb the pain God's Way: Heal the pain
Man's Way: Don't talk about it God's Way: Share your pain
Man's Way: Time heals God's Way: Faith heals
Grieving God's Way is a 90-day reader designed to bring hope and healing to those who have experienced loss. Each thoughtful devotional begins with a scripture and ends with a haiku, written to affirm the positive theme of the text.
Divided into four categories—body, soul, heart, and spirit—each day's entry offers insight into the grieving process that increases understanding of God's purposeful plan for healing the heart and soul.
My Opinion
Grief. They tell you the different steps to grieving, shock and denial, pain and guilt, anger and bargaining, depression and loneliness, upward turn, reconstruction of life, and then acceptance and hope. While it is a base line for it, you are never prepared for how intense and consuming grief can be. It is mentally and physically exhausting. While its something I'm still dealing with, I do feel that this book is very helpful for me. In a time when so many pull away from their faith, pull away from God, they should be reaching for Him even more. Its hard to know where to place all of these emotions and feelings and this book has been a good guide for me. It has helped me be able to focus and to grow closer with God while dealing with my grief instead of ignoring it. I know that this book is going to continue helping me while my heart heals. 

I received this book from as part of their blogger program, in exchange for my honest opinion. All thoughts are my own and no other compensation was provided.