If I could go back....

I wouldn't of announced to everyone that we were actively trying for baby #2. I would of kept that information to myself. I look back and I can remember going to dinner at my mother-in-laws and how excited I was to tell her that we were 'trying'. Now its been just shy of three years and still nothing. People think you can just not think about it. There is something in almost everything that makes me think about it. Every interaction I see between parent and child(no matter the age), every baby toy that I see, every time I look at my baby boy, when I walk into my spare room, the store, movies, the Internet, dreams, cooking, shopping, etc.... It never ends, it is always there. I can mask it as much as possible but it doesn't change the thoughts and feelings that are hidden there.

If people didn't know then maybe I wouldn't get my feelings hurt when I am down and I know there are certain people that know but yet they never ask me  how I'm doing or if I would like to talk about it. Its funny you know the other day on facebook I had written about asking friends how they are doing, even your closest friends. I wrote about how you don't always know what they are going through and how just simply asking them how they are doing can mean so much to them during a time of pain and suffering. What was funny to me was that I  had a lot of responses to that status, but not a single one of them was to ask me how I was doing. I think about people and the things I know they are going through and the things that I probably have no idea whats going on and I actively seek them out to ask how they are or to let them know that I'm here for them and that they are on my mind. I do for them what I would like to be done for me. Its hard when that doesn't ever happen. Lately I've just been feeling so alone with my thoughts.