Update

Clomid 101

So we did a round of clomid in July. It didn't work. I was miserable the whole month. I had to go have my lab work done on days 3 and 23. I was having severe pain in my lower abdomen/pelvic area. The pain was so intense that I got sick from it a lot. All I wanted to do all month was lay in bed. I think I had just about
every side effect possible from this medicine. None of that matters though. I'd do it all over again. I don't care if the pain had to be 10x worse, I'd still do it if it meant I'd have a baby as a end result.
Jay and I talked and we decided that we'd take a break. Not from trying, just from fertility drugs. I told everyone it was because I needed a break physically and emotionally. I thought if I told everyone those reasons then I would eventually believe them and be okay with it. Its not working. We can't afford it right now. My insurance doesn't pay for anything. The drugs were affordable but the lab work twice a month and doc appts twice a month..it was all $100+ each time. It was putting a strain on us financially.
I had my followup appointment with my doctor at the beginning of this month. I was so scared, I was shaking. After I signed in I had to sit there amongst all these 'about to pop' pregnant women who were complaining about this and that. I wanted to scream at them instead I sat there with my head hung low and my charts in hand. As soon as I got taken back to the room I just started crying. I didn't want to be there telling her I had to take a break. It was like my heart was breaking and crumbling to pieces as I said the words. She was very understanding and said she would continue to pray for me.
I stopped charting and spending my days looking up PCOS and infertility. Out of sight, out of mind right? Eh.. Not so much. It is still constantly on my mind. I worry that this break time could of been THE TIME for it to happen but since we took a break I ruined those chances. I got teary eyed when walking through the car seat section at walmart yesterday. I had to high-tail it out of there before I turned into a snotty mess. I have been trying to just keep it all inside but the more I do that the more I feel like I'm going to explode. I just don't feel like anyone wants to listen to it anymore. The one thing that bothers me the most is when you put yourself out there only to have your feelings completely trampled on. So sometimes I just put my wall up and try to keep my fake smile on my face.
Check out the link above for more information on clomid.