Something for you

I bought you something today. I know I shouldn't have but its hard not to. I tried to put it back but it wasn't happening. I can imagine you wearing it one day. It's adorable. I can't wait to dress you in it. Lately you come see me in all of my dreams. Its so bittersweet. I wish to dream of you and then I wake wishing the pain wasn't there. I wouldn't trade those dreams for anything though other than you being here in my arms. One day, my child, one day. Promise.

God is with me, I won't be afraid.

Dreaming is one of my worst nightmares. Not just any dream but dreams of you. They are so great when I have them but the second I wake up the tears begin and I can't shake the feelings of pain and sadness. I had the worst of them all the other night. It was a feeling I hope I never have to experience in real life. You were there and then you weren't. In a flash you were gone. It didn't make any sense. How could something so beautiful go so terribly wrong? I tried to get everyone to explain it to me but they wouldn't talk, they just stared, at you and at me. I woke up after that and I've had a feeling of terror ever sense. I've kept it from taking over because Colt keeps saying his memory verse for the week. And now I've begun saying it as well.

God is with me,  I won't be afraid.  Psalm 118:6

Bad Dreams

Every time everything is going great in my mind something has to come up to taunt me. Dreams. I don't like having dreams where your greatest desires come true. To me that is a nightmare. Eventually you have to wake up and when you do reality sets in and you come crashing down.