I cry

I wake up in the middle of the night and I cry. I hold my pillow over my face to muffle the sound and I cry.
I cry and I cry and I cry.
I cry because I miss you but most of all I cry because of what you left behind. Who you left behind. They are all heartbroken but there is one in particular I'm scared of losing. She is in the dark and fading fast.
You were the shining light, the glorious smile that lit up our lives and showed us the way. Without you here it is darker and it is colder. I need you to help her. I know you are still there. I know you are standing right behind her, arms wrapped around her keeping her from falling but she needs to feel you, hear you, hold you. She needs you. I can't do what you did. I can't be who you were. I can't say what you would say.
I don't know what more to do. I'm lifting my hands up to God and sending hugs and kisses to you. Help me. Please. Show me what I'm suppose to do to help her get through.

God You Lifted Me Out

I disappeared for awhile. I hid in my bed only waking when I had to. I prayed. I talked to God. Slowly day by day the feeling of a million needles pricking my arms making them tingle faded away.  I've been able to leave the house and not feel completely overwhelmed. The anxiety has subsided. It was two weeks that felt like years going by. I don't know what caused it or why it was happening as I usually don't but man is it a scary feeling. Being in a place that you don't understand, having feelings that you don't want to feel and not being able to make them stop. Anxiety. It's not something that is just in your head. It can make you physically ill and unable to function. I thank God that He lifted me out.

COTM - Stuck In A Rut - Part 2


Stuck In A Rut - Part 2 from Church on the Move on Vimeo.

COTM - Stuck In A Rut - Part 3


Stuck In A Rut - Part 3 from Church on the Move on Vimeo.

It took a lot to get myself to church on Saturday night. I had to force myself to go. I wanted to go that wasn't the problem it was that I was afraid I would have an anxiety attack as I have had one there before. I knew that it was where I needed to be though. I am so glad I went. In the video above - part 3- we sang a song that had only two lyrics: God you lifted me out; And I'll tell all the world.  It was exactly what I needed to hear. I had been praying to God so much and when we started singing this song it was like He was giving me a big ole hug reassuring me that I didn't need to be scared anymore because He lifted me out.
God is AMAZING!!!!