At least you

I thought at least you would understand. I thought if no one then at least you had my back. Now even that isn't true. I am alone in this. It is my battle. My fight. My suffering.

I was nervous but decided that I would...

....just go for it. We needed money. I needed a job. I put my big girl britches on and walked in to turn my application in and BAM I got the job. If you are a regular reader than you know that I suffer from really bad anxiety and nervousness. So it was a complete shock to me at how easy going and talkative I was being. I just didn't care. If I got the job then I got it and if I didn't - well who cares I'd never see these people again. I am so glad I got the job. I love the people I work with. I love working. Who ever thought I'd say that!? Ha!  Are there days that are stressful? Of course there are but my days are also filled with chatter and laughter and a bunch of kiddos that love to offer up hugs and cuddles. I'm proud of myself that I did what needed to be done to help my family. The only thing that I need to work on now is getting a routine down for keeping up with the house between work and baseball.

*This post was written as part of Bloggy Moms: The Blog Dare. Todays writing prompt is - I was nervous but decided that I would....  If you'd like to participate feel free to link up with your own post at the link posted above.*

When the truth finally came out...

There was heartache and sadness. There was anger. There were words that were spoken that can never be taken back. Things will never be the way they were because of the things you felt, the things you said, the hurt you caused.

Words that left scars on my heart for always.

*This post was written as part of Bloggy Moms: The Blog Dare. Todays writing prompt was - When the truth finally came out...  If you'd like to participate feel free to link up with your own post at the link posted above.*

There were so many....

There were so many...

Words.

So many words that I could of said. That I wish I would of said. That I still say in my head from time to time. Words that are lingering on the tip of my tongue just waiting for the moment they can be released. I have wished them away, I've tried swallowing them but yet they remain. It's a battle I'm still fighting within myself and you have no idea. I'm not sure you would even care if I told you. I wait for time to pass and the words to dissolve. I've decided that I'm okay with whatever happens between us, good or bad - it is what it is and I'm okay with it.

*This post was written as part of Bloggy Moms: The Blog Dare. Todays writing prompt was - There were so many.... If you'd like to participate feel free to link up with your own post at the link posted above.*

365 days

Its been three hundred and sixty five days since you took your last breath.
That's 31,536,000 seconds.  Its been 525,600 minutes since you left.
Eight thousand seven hundred and sixty long hours.
52 weeks.

Its been one year since you left us, and not a single day goes by that you are not thought of. You will forever live on in my heart and my memories. I look forward to the day that I get to see you again and hug you in Heaven. My beautiful sweet foxy, you are missed. You are loved.

Caged

I've been working a lot and when I'm not working I'm usually sleeping or cleaning house. My emotions have been staying in tact for the most part but I have had a couple of incidents, one taking place yesterday. I've been feeling too raw and exposed to write lately. I feel like I'm a circus freak and everything is just out there for the world to see and everyone is looking at me and judging me. Laughing at me and taunting me. I wish people could understand things better and not take things so personally. Maybe its me that takes it personally. Maybe I make it more than what it should be. More than what it is. After all it is my problem, not theirs. Just because I seem fine doesn't mean I am fine. Its a day by day, minute by minute situation. I don't want to be the victim, I don't want to be the Debbie downer but I can't always control how I'm feeling and with that comes my moments of anger and frustration, sadness and heartache. Tears and frowns. I can put a smile on my face but I don't always feel it and if you look closely you'll see the sadness in my eyes. Tomorrow will be a better day....I hope.

Someday's Gonna Come by Jasmine Ash
I heard this song last night on MTV when I was watching Washington Heights(love this show btw!). I couldn't find a video to share but there is one here. You can also go and download a free copy of the song here.

-Review- Unglued Devotional

UNGLUED Devotional

60 DAYS OF IMPERFECT PROGRESS

By: Lysa TerKeurst

 

 

I don't think I have ever read a book before where it felt like the author was speaking directly to me or that they were so in tune with my own thoughts and feelings. This devotional felt more like a guide to me. Every daily devotion taught me a lesson that I needed/wanted to learn. Now that I've finished the book I've been keeping it in my car and when I'm waiting in the school pick up line its a good time for me to grab it and reread a lesson or two. Its been so helpful for me in times of frustration and uncertainty. I feel refreshed and at peace after reading through a chapter that speaks to me. I don't just go chapter by chapter but sometimes just thumb through until I find what I need to hear. Each daily chapter starts with scripture and the Thought for the Day. Then it goes into the quick reading lesson. My favorite part is at the end, each lesson ends with a prayer. Sometimes I still feel like I'm not sure if I'm saying the right things or if I'm doing this prayer thing right, so this has been a guide for me in the prayer department. I love finding books like this that aren't just a one time read, it is a daily guide for me that I will continue to read over and over.

Book Description:
This companion devotional to the bestselling book Unglued provides encouragement to help readers handle emotional struggles. Including a daily opening Scripture, Thought for the Day, devotion, and closing prayer, this book helps readers begin a 60-day journey in learning to positively process raw emotions, such as fear, anger, and regret.

I received this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. No other compensation was provided.