365 days

Its been three hundred and sixty five days since you took your last breath.
That's 31,536,000 seconds.  Its been 525,600 minutes since you left.
Eight thousand seven hundred and sixty long hours.
52 weeks.

Its been one year since you left us, and not a single day goes by that you are not thought of. You will forever live on in my heart and my memories. I look forward to the day that I get to see you again and hug you in Heaven. My beautiful sweet foxy, you are missed. You are loved.

With you

I haven't slept much since you left. I haven't been awake much either. I'm not sure if I'm here or there. I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm at. I feel scared and alone. This whirlwind of emotions is just too much for my brain to handle. I feel like I'm on a roller-coaster and I can't get off and I can't get the lap bar to lock into place either. I am barely holding on and at any minute I'm going to go flying off losing myself for ever if I haven't already. 
I keep replaying the past in my mind. Going over memory after memory pausing to remember the facial expressions only you could make. Hearing the sound of your voice in my head. Your scent as I kissed your forehead for the last time. Your laugh. Your hair(& at times, the lack of). Your love and passion for the ones you held dear to your heart. Your strength and determine. I close my eyes and I remember you. I close my eyes and hope you will meet me in my dreams for one last hello. 

His Touch

Lately I've been thinking a lot about how you can feel God's love through the embrace of a loved one or even the touch of a stranger. We need that sometimes when the hard times are too much to bare and our lives are filled with sadness. I know that God is there always. He knows the plans He has in store for me and my family and for my friends. I don't know that plan though and when I see people struggling it is so hard for me to understand all of the suffering. I've learned to put all my trust in God. I pray to Him, I ask of Him, I talk to Him, I listen to Him, I receive Him, I love Him. He is with me always and when my heart is breaking and sad, He always knows how to give me a little squeeze and let me know He is still here. 
I've been surrounded by heartache this year. I have a great group of friends. They are my girls, they are my Foxys. Five women. Each one of us has been suffering a great deal this year. One of us is fighting for her life. She has made courageous decisions and sacrifices that few could ever fully understand. She is our fighter and we are her army. We will stand behind her, beside her, and with her through every thing. She is our world. She WILL beat cancer. I don't care what doctors say, I know what God says, He is who I serve and who I trust. Another one of us has been fighting a numerous amount of illnesses off and on. She is in pain more times than not. We have fathers who are gone fighting for our country, fathers who have to work on the road to provide for our families. Financial troubles, emotional issues. Raising babies alone, young and old. There is so much heartache in our lives. I am sad for my friends. 
I don't know his plans for us but I do know great things will come of them. I know that He is there for us and He will show you if you pay attention. I was at the store the other day and it was a hard day emotionally. I was with Colton and he was walking down the toy isle showing me what he wanted. I told him he could get a puzzle(a cheap one). He didn't want that one, he wanted the bigger spiderman puzzle. I had to tell him no and that he could ask Santa for it. Trying to get his mind off of it I showed him a puzzle I liked and told him to tell daddy that mommy wanted it for Christmas. He looked at it and then grabbed the one he wanted and said, "Okay and you tell Daddy I want this one". It was beyond cute. There was an older gentleman and a woman about my age on the same isle. They kept laughing at the things Colt was saying and they passed us several times. When we were at the checkout and I was paying, the man came up beside me grabbed a hold of my shoulder and handed me a bag and said, "Santa wanted your boy to have this. Merry Christmas". Then he walked off. I almost started crying. He had bought the puzzle Colt wanted. It wasn't about the puzzle. It was the touch of a stranger. The touch of God. He showed me His kindness and His love through the giving of another. 
You may call them Secret Santa's but I call them blessings from God. He knew what I needed when I needed it, something so simple as the touch of a stranger. 

She is doing GREAT!!!

I realize that I never updated on how Amy is doing. She is FANTASTIC!! It is amazing. She is such an inspiration. Cassie and I were able to go visit with her again last Thursday and it was very peaceful and calming to my heart to see how well she was doing. She is healing beautifully and getting around on her own. She has been moved to the rehab floor and has been doing three hours of physical therapy each day. She should be coming home this week which I know she is anxious to get back to her husband and children. It will be so nice to be able to just stop by and visit with her anytime. Help her out with anything that she needs. I'm so ready to have our friend back home where she belongs.
Here is the teddy bear that Cassie and I made Amy on our last trip to visit her. Let me just tell you, I get a bit carsick on road trips.......so I really don't recommend sewing while riding down the road. This teddy was worth it though. (Oh, we didn't make the teddy, just altered him.)