10,000 Reasons

There has been so many heavy issues weighing on my heart lately. My eyes fill with tears daily as the sadness overwhelms me. I can't let that take over me anymore though. There are reasons why I am sad but when you think about it there are so many more reasons to smile and rejoice in these beautiful days we've been given. I may not know His exact plans for me yet but I do know that they will be great! I love an amazing God!  

With you

I haven't slept much since you left. I haven't been awake much either. I'm not sure if I'm here or there. I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm at. I feel scared and alone. This whirlwind of emotions is just too much for my brain to handle. I feel like I'm on a roller-coaster and I can't get off and I can't get the lap bar to lock into place either. I am barely holding on and at any minute I'm going to go flying off losing myself for ever if I haven't already. 
I keep replaying the past in my mind. Going over memory after memory pausing to remember the facial expressions only you could make. Hearing the sound of your voice in my head. Your scent as I kissed your forehead for the last time. Your laugh. Your hair(& at times, the lack of). Your love and passion for the ones you held dear to your heart. Your strength and determine. I close my eyes and I remember you. I close my eyes and hope you will meet me in my dreams for one last hello. 

Stained

I don't want to get out of bed today. I want to stay under my covers and go to sleep.  I try to get up, I try to turn my mind and emotions off but it doesn't work. The tears keep falling staining my face. I feel so lost, sad, helpless. I'm confused. I don't understand. Why is this happening?