Unexpected Changes of 2012

Are we ever really ready for changes in our lives? There is no way I ever could of prepared myself for the changes that took place in my life last year. If I had to title the changes of last year I would name it 'Stolen Friendships'. Just about all of my closest friendships changed and all right about the same time too. One of my girls moved away, one drifted,  one passed away and one took a leave of absence. It was a difficult year for me. I felt alone and abandoned. I felt confused and sad. I had health problems. I had six months of not knowing if I was okay or not. I was sad a lot of the year. I never would of imagined that that was how my year would go. If I had the opportunity to go back in time and prepare myself for what was to come I'm not sure I would even know what to say except for to treasure the time you have with the ones you love so dear and to guard and protect your heart. We all go through things in life and we all handle them differently. In a time when I needed my friends the most, a time I thought we would all grow closer...the exact opposite occurred. I learned that sometimes you have to be your own best friend. I'm glad 2012 is over with, it was too much for me to handle. I'm ready for this new year and all the great things that will come with it.

*This post was written as part of Bloggy Moms: The Blog Dare. Todays writing prompt was - Changes I didn't expect for 2012. If you'd like to participate feel free to link up with your own post at the link posted above.*

With you

I haven't slept much since you left. I haven't been awake much either. I'm not sure if I'm here or there. I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm at. I feel scared and alone. This whirlwind of emotions is just too much for my brain to handle. I feel like I'm on a roller-coaster and I can't get off and I can't get the lap bar to lock into place either. I am barely holding on and at any minute I'm going to go flying off losing myself for ever if I haven't already. 
I keep replaying the past in my mind. Going over memory after memory pausing to remember the facial expressions only you could make. Hearing the sound of your voice in my head. Your scent as I kissed your forehead for the last time. Your laugh. Your hair(& at times, the lack of). Your love and passion for the ones you held dear to your heart. Your strength and determine. I close my eyes and I remember you. I close my eyes and hope you will meet me in my dreams for one last hello. 

Lunch Date

I've been dealing with a lot of stress regarding my health lately. I don't want to elaborate on anything until I know something so if you could just keep me in your prayers, I would really appreciate it! I should have some answers in a couple of weeks. My bestie took me out for a distressing lunch date last week. It was very yummy. She got the veggie fajitas and I got a chicken chili relleno. Delicious! She always knows the way to my heart is through food.....of course that just means she is contributing to clogging my arteries and expanding my waistline so I'm not sure how much that says about our relationship...er...friendship. We are at that awkward stage of the relationship, you know the one where she likes me, I like her, shes married, I'm married. Oh and neither one of us bat for the other team or would it be the same team? So in other words we are just really good friends. :) Our husbands are best friends too but not as good or close of friends as us....or at least I hope.  That would be too strange.
Blast from the past!