Service today was great!!!
What do you want most for 2011?
My first thought was a baby of course but almost instantly I thought no it's happiness. Yes I want a baby but more than anything I want to be completely happy and satisfied with what I have. I want to enjoy my life to the fullest and not concentrate on what's missing. Who am I to say that something is missing anyways?
I don't know what the future holds but I know that my life is happening NOW! If I don't take hold of the reigns and live it to the fullest then one day I'm going to wake up in pain realizing that time has passed me by. I don't want that. I want to live every day with real genuine smiles on my face and absolutely no regrets.
It doesn't mean that I'm not going to be TTC still or that I may be sad from time to time but I think it's completely natural to still have that want I just don't want it to become my ONLY want and desire.
My #1 is happiness. I thought that I had to have a second baby in order to be happy because that was my desire, a baby. I've come to realize though that in making my desire #1 in my life I was becoming very unhappy and losing myself.
Today's service just really hit home for me. I had actually been thinking about this for awhile now and I wrote something about a week ago on my phone and had forgotten about it and then today at church the service begins and he is telling a story and in my head I'm thinking 'okay when are we going to get to the message' and then I got it. I realized the story he was telling us about scuba diving really was just about so much more. I immediately just had this 'ah ha' moment of realization for my own life. It gave me goosebumps! God is GREAT!
Here is what I had written on my phone:
Live for the now. You have to live in the present not the future. Hard to put into action and actually do it. Something I've struggled with for a long time now. I get so wrapped up in whats going to happen or what I want to happen that I don't/can't see what is happening in the now. You have to be present in your life in order to live it. Still have hope and still believe and pray about it but don't let it consume you by putting all your focus on it.