There were so many....

There were so many...

Words.

So many words that I could of said. That I wish I would of said. That I still say in my head from time to time. Words that are lingering on the tip of my tongue just waiting for the moment they can be released. I have wished them away, I've tried swallowing them but yet they remain. It's a battle I'm still fighting within myself and you have no idea. I'm not sure you would even care if I told you. I wait for time to pass and the words to dissolve. I've decided that I'm okay with whatever happens between us, good or bad - it is what it is and I'm okay with it.

*This post was written as part of Bloggy Moms: The Blog Dare. Todays writing prompt was - There were so many.... If you'd like to participate feel free to link up with your own post at the link posted above.*

365 days

Its been three hundred and sixty five days since you took your last breath.
That's 31,536,000 seconds.  Its been 525,600 minutes since you left.
Eight thousand seven hundred and sixty long hours.
52 weeks.

Its been one year since you left us, and not a single day goes by that you are not thought of. You will forever live on in my heart and my memories. I look forward to the day that I get to see you again and hug you in Heaven. My beautiful sweet foxy, you are missed. You are loved.

Caged

I've been working a lot and when I'm not working I'm usually sleeping or cleaning house. My emotions have been staying in tact for the most part but I have had a couple of incidents, one taking place yesterday. I've been feeling too raw and exposed to write lately. I feel like I'm a circus freak and everything is just out there for the world to see and everyone is looking at me and judging me. Laughing at me and taunting me. I wish people could understand things better and not take things so personally. Maybe its me that takes it personally. Maybe I make it more than what it should be. More than what it is. After all it is my problem, not theirs. Just because I seem fine doesn't mean I am fine. Its a day by day, minute by minute situation. I don't want to be the victim, I don't want to be the Debbie downer but I can't always control how I'm feeling and with that comes my moments of anger and frustration, sadness and heartache. Tears and frowns. I can put a smile on my face but I don't always feel it and if you look closely you'll see the sadness in my eyes. Tomorrow will be a better day....I hope.

Someday's Gonna Come by Jasmine Ash
I heard this song last night on MTV when I was watching Washington Heights(love this show btw!). I couldn't find a video to share but there is one here. You can also go and download a free copy of the song here.

-Review- Unglued Devotional

UNGLUED Devotional

60 DAYS OF IMPERFECT PROGRESS

By: Lysa TerKeurst

 

 

I don't think I have ever read a book before where it felt like the author was speaking directly to me or that they were so in tune with my own thoughts and feelings. This devotional felt more like a guide to me. Every daily devotion taught me a lesson that I needed/wanted to learn. Now that I've finished the book I've been keeping it in my car and when I'm waiting in the school pick up line its a good time for me to grab it and reread a lesson or two. Its been so helpful for me in times of frustration and uncertainty. I feel refreshed and at peace after reading through a chapter that speaks to me. I don't just go chapter by chapter but sometimes just thumb through until I find what I need to hear. Each daily chapter starts with scripture and the Thought for the Day. Then it goes into the quick reading lesson. My favorite part is at the end, each lesson ends with a prayer. Sometimes I still feel like I'm not sure if I'm saying the right things or if I'm doing this prayer thing right, so this has been a guide for me in the prayer department. I love finding books like this that aren't just a one time read, it is a daily guide for me that I will continue to read over and over.

Book Description:
This companion devotional to the bestselling book Unglued provides encouragement to help readers handle emotional struggles. Including a daily opening Scripture, Thought for the Day, devotion, and closing prayer, this book helps readers begin a 60-day journey in learning to positively process raw emotions, such as fear, anger, and regret.

I received this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. No other compensation was provided.

Recovering

I should be writing about how I'm recovering from my first couple of weeks at work instead I'm referring to the horrible stomach virus that I've been fighting for a week now. I'm hoping I have seen the last of it but I won't know for sure until tomorrow. Prayers please. I ended up missing several days of work because of it, not a good thing when its only your second week. I went to the doctor so I had a note plus all the kiddos also had it so its obvious I wasn't faking it but still it was only my second week there. I really really like working at the daycare. I worried at first it may be a bit much for me with the whole infertility thing but its not. I LOVE it! The people are great, the kids are adorable(sometimes Ha!) and I just really enjoy having something to look forward to. Its not easy work by any means. You are on your feet the entire time and you are constantly doing something, its hard on my back but nothing that a little ibuprofen can't take care of. The kid gets to go with me so I don't have to pay for daycare and while I'm not working with him I can still check in on him and if he needs me I'm there. I have prayed about this a lot and have had many of conversations with God and I strongly feel that this is where I'm meant to be. I can see myself here long term. I see the future and where I want to be in my life and I see this place being a part of that. It may sound silly to some but I really honestly feel that. I think a lot of things will be changing because of this new adventure I'm on. Its the first of many stepping stones to a happier me. Have you ever came across something where you could see where it fit into your life? Like you could see how it would change and shape the future? How by making this one choice all the other things would fall into place. I can see that. I can picture it and it looks amazing! I'm really excited about this and I hope everyone can be happy for me. I know things are changing and I'm going in a different direction as you now but its a good change for me and I hope you can see that and want that for me.

Change

Lately I've been getting up at the crack of dawn. Its probably been a little later than that but it makes me appear to be super wife getting up so early to make breakfast for my man. I am a easy riser. I can get up at any time and not have to lay in bed hiding under the blankets first. I'm not so quick to go straight into being a domestic wife though. I've been having to get up and go right to the kitchen and start his breakfast. Its hard for me to function that early so I do not take responsibility for the burnt bacon. It'd be awesome to be the perfect 50s housewife, but that's not me.  I'm tired. I want to crawl back into bed after he leaves but by that time the kid is waking and I wouldn't have enough time to sleep anyways. As much as I complain(its in my nature) I have enjoyed sending him off with a belly full of food and giving the kid a full spread of breakfast to choose from, even though he still thinks he has to eat both at home and at school. It really starts the day off great. It sets the tone. We have finally gotten adjusted to this new start and it may be coming to a halt. Why? Because this stay at home mommy is now a working mom! Yep you read it right. I got a job! I'm between happy and sad about it. If it was up to me and all of the cards fell where they were suppose to I would be a stay at home mom forever. However, my kid is off to school and my second baby hasn't arrived yet and we have bills stacking up so I'm doing what needs to be done to help provide for my family. It feels good to know I will be helping. It won't be much but it will be something. It will be making sure we have groceries in the fridge and gas for the cars. The best part, I get to take the kid with me. For FREE! It will be an adjustment for sure but I think its going to be a good one. I'm not sure what the hours will be yet, I will most likely work a combination of mornings and evenings. So I'm going to need to find some homemade frozen breakfast recipes and some quick throw together crockpot meals. I'm excited for what the future holds. I'll be getting out of the house, being more active and bringing home the dough. Life is great.

Have you missed me?

I've missed you.

I've been playing nurse if you were wondering where I've been. Someone needs to put this house in a bubble because these germs are overpowering all the Clorox in the area. I think Pre-K will be the death of us all. Since December one, some, or all of us have been sick every week and weekend. Its crazy ridiculous. Recently my husband was down with strep and pink eye. This man NEVER gets sick. Like EVER. Yet he came down with Pneumonia, strep and pink eye all within the last month and a half. Poor guy! I think we are finally all well but who knows what will happen by the end of the week with the kiddo heading back to school today. Prayers for health would be greatly appreciated!

In the meantime though I've had a handful of products come in to try out so be on the lookout for some reviews and I have some great coupons to giveaway for some free/highly discounted products.

What are some of your #1 tips on keeping the germs at bay? Do you have a good hand lotion recommendation? My hands are so dry they are cracking from all the hand washing and antibacterial gel.