Ringing in the New Year....

...with a sinus infection, a case of pneumonia and a on the verge of pneumonia. Sounds like a party huh? The hubs and kid were feeling ill yesterday so we went up to the urgent care to find out that they both needed xrays. Luckily the kid doesn't have pneumonia but the doc said he was right there on the edge of it so we are getting him fixed up so he can get well quick. The hubs on the other hand has it. He rarely gets sick, never goes to the doc and then Bam he has pneumonia. So four xrays, one breathing treatment and six prescriptions later we were on our way. I had to go out and buy two humidifiers and spend a fortune on medicine. Better than him ending up in the hospital though. I'm the one with the sinus infection...I got off easy. Whew.

Jeremiah 17:14
Heal me, O LORD, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise. NIV

Playing Catchup

I've been without a computer since the beginning of the month. Mine bit the dust and it took awhile to get it back up and running but thanks to my amazing parents who were able to fix it, here I am! Whew...that was the loneliest month ever. It was a good time to reflect on life and enjoy that time with my little man(and the big one too) but still it was hard being without my computer love. I was disappointed that I missed the rest of the December blog prompts over at The Blog Dare so I figured I would pick some and compile them in one post for you.

I don't think you understand... how much my heart hurts all the time. However, just because my heart hurts it does not mean that I am not happy for you. In fact I am over the moon thrilled at the great blessings God puts on your life. I may not always express the happiness I feel for you the way I intend to but I promise you that there is nothing but love in my heart for you.
I could never live in a home that was... filled with clowns. No really, they scare me. :)
A commercial I dislike... the pregnancy test one. It annoys me.
I had the worst feeling of impending doom...when my anxiety was at an all time high a couple of weeks ago. Its the most awful feeling ever. When I have those times I sing praise and worship songs from church, I talk to God, I pray and I thank Him.
This time next year...I hope to have started school. I know what I want to do and have been working on research for it for about five months now so its time to get started on the next step. Its scary but at the same time so exciting. I'm looking forward to what comes next.
I urge you to...tell the ones you love how you feel. Even if you think they know, tell them anyways. Make them feel special and let them know how much they mean to you. What if they weren't here for you to tell tomorrow? Why not tell them today.

*This post was written as part of Bloggy Moms: The Blog Dare. If you'd like to participate feel free to link up with your own post at the link posted above.*

Acts of Kindness

Have you witnessed any acts of kindness lately? Have you yourself been that act of kindness?
Acts of kindness come in all forms. Buying a gift for someone, checking up on loved ones, helping out when needed.
I was at the store the day before Thanksgiving picking up a couple of items and this sweet lady who was in front of me in the checkout line paid for my things. It was so unexpected. It made my day. She said she liked to help out occasionally when she has it to do. It didn't seem like it was just a "tis the season to be giving" thing. It felt like it was just a regular normal thing she does. Its amazing how He shows His love through the touch of a stranger. Beautiful.
A week or so before the above happened I was in line at the pizza shop and there was a little girl with her dad in front of me. The lady in front of them was turning to leave and she stopped in front of them and handed the little girl a pizza. She just simply said, "I bought you a pizza, Merry Christmas." Then she left, just like that. Amazement.
Last year when shopping at the pharmacy my son wanted a puzzle. I told him we didn't have the money for it but that maybe Santa would bring one for him. We went to check out and before we walked out a man handed me a bag and said Santa wanted your little boy to have this. It was the puzzle he had picked out. Marvelous.

I'm in awe of these acts of kindness.

*This post was written as part of Bloggy Moms: The Blog Dare. The prompt for todays date is - Acts of Kindness. If you'd like to participate feel free to link up with your own post at the link posted above.*

Where have you been?

I wish I knew. I guess I've just been hiding. I was here but not here, if that makes sense. I think I've been stuck in limbo lately. I was waiting for something to happen yet not wanting anything to happen at the same time. Just in that blah state of mind. If you don't do something about it though it will take over your life. So I've been doing something about it. I've been talking to friends, visiting with loved ones and continuing to build my relationship with God.
Last night I went to church to hear one of my favorite speakers, Joe McGee. He always teaches great lessons and gives you a bellyache from laughing so much. He is hilarious. You can learn about his ministry at www.joemcgeeministries.com/.

Genesis 18:9
John 10:10
The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy; I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.
Matthew 5:9
Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.

Jesus never avoided problems, he engaged them.

John 10:10

If you don't know truth you will blame another human. Flesh is not our enemy. It will use flesh but it is not our enemy.

We are to teach our children about God
READ: Psalm 78
We are to teach our children about the fear of God
READ: Psalm 112,

We are to pray for our children, ourselves, our spouses, our loved ones.
     Psalm 34:11 fear of the Lord

     Proverbs 9:10
     Proverbs 1:7

     Proverbs 3:16
     James 1:5
     Psalm 127, 128
     Isaiah 54:13
     Luke 2:52

Wisdom
Proverbs 4:7
READ: Proverbs 1

The further you go from God the nastier the devil gets.

You can download the podcast of this service on itunes under Church on the Move. The service is called First things First - posted 11/29/12.

When snow begins to fall...

Joy. Excitement. Giddy. Dread. Worry.

Those are my first initial feelings when the snow begins to fall. Joy, excitement, and giddy....Yep. I love the snow...when it first starts coming down. Its so fresh and fun. I love it. It is so beautiful. Dread and worry....Yikes! I do not like driving in the snow and I don't like being stuck at home. Snow and I have a love/hate relationship. I can't wait for it to get here and once it arrives I'm wishing it would hurry and leave. This year may be a little different though, I am stocked up with books to read, hats and scarves to knit and games to play. I'm starting to get a stockpile going of freezer foods, soups and bottled water. Things I may need in case we have a bad winter and can't get to the store. A couple of years ago the husband had to walk a mile in the blizzard to get to the store to get us some groceries because we couldn't get the cars down the street. I'll be prepared this year...although it is 71' degrees out right now so snow may not be in our near future. Either way I'm prepared. 

Come on snow, bring it! :) 

Love snow or hate it? 

*This post was written as part of Bloggy Moms: The Blog Dare. The prompt for todays date is - When snow begins to fall.... If you'd like to participate feel free to link up with your own post at the link posted above.*

My Holiday Wish

What is my holiday wish for this year?

Happiness.

True genuine happiness. For everyone.

This year has been an awful one. So my wish for this holiday is that everyone find true happiness and really enjoy this time with family and friends. I want this month to be the start of good things and real smiles and for all of the hurt and pain to be healed so this coming year can be a good one. A lot has happened this year and so many people have been changed because of it, for the worse. So I'm making a decision in my own life to change. I'm changing for me. I want to be a better person, a better mother and wife. I can't be better for someone else until I'm better for me. So this month will be a transition time for me. I'm going to be more about me this coming year. I'm going to be a bit selfish. I'm going to learn to say no when I need to and yes when I want to. I'm going to be happy for who I am and what I have and not focus on things I want. I'm going to be here and in the present and not in the future. I'm going to be happy and wear a smile on my face that doesn't fade when you're not looking. That's my wish for this holiday; Happiness.

What is your wish for this holiday season?

*This post was written as part of Bloggy Moms: The Blog Dare. The prompt for todays date is - My holiday wish. If you'd like to participate feel free to link up with your own post at the link posted above.*

Lovable Labels Black Friday/Cyber Monday

Because it just wouldn't be right not to share this great deal with you.  Happy Thanksgiving and happy black friday shopping!!! 

Review - MyMemories Software

For a while now I have been trying to find a cover photo for my facebook page. I never really found anything that I just absolutely loved so I was excited when I was contacted to review an amazing scrapbook software program called MyMemories. After I downloaded my copy I played around with it and created my facebook cover that I am currently using. I'm having a lot of fun making different pages and projects.

I found the program fairly easy to navigate and any time I had questions I was able to find the answer through their blog and tutorials found here. MyMemories have a special deal for my readers where you can get the software for yourselves at a discounted price using the code below. It provides  you with a $10 discount off the purchase of the My Memories Suite Scrapbook software and a $10 coupon for the MyMemories.com store - $20 value! 
Be sure to enter code - STMMMS30770. 


Visit their website at www.MyMemories.com and let me know what you think. They have a lot of free kits you can choose from to begin your projects, which ones are your favorites?

I despise today

I despise days like today. Days where its too hard to keep my emotions in check. Days where its at the forefront of all of my thoughts. Days where the tears just fall at any time, any place. Days where no matter how hard I try, I always end up lashing out at the ones I care most about. Days where it doesn't matter what you say to me, you aggravate me. Today is one of those days.

They keep falling

Tonight is one of those nights where the words and thoughts I'm having are not suitable for all to have access to. Hiding in my bedroom with the box of tissues by my side.

Fortune Cookie

My fortune for today reads:

Look towards the future, but not so far as to miss today.

How true is that!? Sometimes I get so caught up in the 'wanting/needing' desires of my heart that I don't stop to take a breath and enjoy the moment I'm in.

Rumor has it

I'm crumbling apart. Even the thought of it has me in shambles. Broken hearted and angry.

Faith

"Feed your fears and your faith will starve. Feed your faith, and your fears will."
-Max Lucado-

A poem to help me through

My Father's way may twist and turn,
My heart may throb and ache.
But in my soul I'm glad I know,
He maketh no mistake.
My cherished plans may go astray,
My hope may fade away
But still I'll trust my Lord to lead,
For He doth know the way.

Tho' night be dark and it may seem,
That day will never break;
I'll pin my faith, my all in Him.
He maketh no mistake.

There's so much now I cannot see,
My eyesight's far too dim;
But come what may,
I'll simply trust And leave it all to Him.

And by and by the mist will lift
And plain it all He'll make.
Through all the way, tho' dark to me,
He made not one mistake.

By A. M. Overton

Why

I came to see you today. So much has changed. Everything is different now. I miss you. I miss her. I miss the way that things used to be. Its so hard for me to understand why everything had to change. It saddens me. It angers me. I've been through so much hurt that I just can't comprehend why the pain keeps building. I've had enough. I don't want to hurt anymore. I don't want sad things to keep happening. I just want to rewind time and have things the way they used to be. I want the past and I want the future mixed together with the present time just taken away. I just can't keep carrying all of this pain. I can't keep feeling so hurt and like my heart is going to explode. Why is this happening to me? Why did you have to leave? Why did she?

A pain so deep that you can feel your heart as its breaking. An overwhelming sadness. Eyes swollen from constant tears. Sharp pains shooting through your chest.

I know their conversation was an innocent one but it doesn't make it hurt any less.

Direction

Okay so I am getting a bit overwhelmed. I have so many decisions I need to make and I'm having a hard time narrowing everything down. I'm trying to decide what I really want but its oh so hard! I've just been researching and praying. Its comforting knowing that no matter what it will be His plan for me and so it will be right. It is going to be amazing. 

Jeremiah 29:11 - 
'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.

Proverbs 16:9- 
The mind of man plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps.

In other news:

This sweet little fella unfortunately has pink eye. It's spread to both eyes now so he is looking pretty pitiful. I hate it. I have never had pink eye(that I'm aware of) and the kid has never had it before this. It is miserable. Have you ever tried putting drops in a four years old eyes? It's next to impossible. He thrashes his entire body including head around, screams and cries at the top of his lungs and shuts his eyes so tight that I can not hold him down, keep his head still and pry an eye open while holding the drops by myself. IMPOSSIBLE!! When the husband is home or my mom is over we can get it done, somewhat successfully. However, most of the time I have been solo when drop time comes around so the best I can do is have him close his eyes and put a drop in the corner and then I have to force him to open his eye so it will fall in. Even that is torture for my baby. He screams to get it off of him and then once its in his eye he screams to take it out. Its awful. He doesn't understand it no matter how many times we explain it to him or have him look in the mirror and see how bad it looks. Breaks my heart having to put drops in but its one of things Mommas just have to do. I like pink but I don't like it that much!! Prayers for super quick healing would be awesome! Thanks. 

Content

I am so excited for the future. There are so many changes happening in my life and while I would usually be anxious about them I am actually excited and ready for all the pieces to come together. For the first time in a long time I am truly content with my life.

In my arms you'll be...

I picture you in my mind as I wait. I hold you in my heart. I imagine your interactions with your big brother. I think of what it will be like to hold you for the first time. One day soon I promise.

“But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.” Isaiah 43:1

I wait

Have you ever waited for something to happen and even though you know it won't happen you still hope that the next passing will be different? That this next time will make everything better. That the person will realize that they miss you just as much as you miss them. Every day you think today will be the day they will say something. Today will be the day they will just grab you and hug you because they need it and they know you need it. Today will be the day that they won't let pass by without telling you how they feel because they know how short life is.

Yesterday I hoped for today.
Today I slowed my pace.
Tomorrow I'll hold my breath.

Only so many days can pass before its too late. I don't want it to be too late.

ConceiveEasy -Review-

As many of you know, my husband and I have been actively trying to get knocked up for over three years now. It has been a long and trying process. When you are trying all you want to do is get pregnant fast. You never imagine that it won't happen as quickly as you'd like. It has been a hard journey for us, me especially. It really takes an emotional toll on you. Going to my doctor became expensive and I couldn't afford it any longer so I was thrilled when I came across  ConceiveEasy , fertility pills over the counter, yes please! 

About ConceiveEasy:

ConceiveEasy^® is a 100% Drug Free, safe and all natural solution for enhancing your body's own natural fertility and dramatically increasing your chances of conception. In a long-term efficacy and safety study, no common side effects have been reported with ConceiveEasy®.

ConceiveEasy TTC Kit System works great for:

• Unexplained infertility
• Stimulating ovulation
• Regulating cycles
• Lengthening luteal phase
• Increasing fertile CM

The package  I received is like the one pictured above. It included ConceiveEasy Months 1 & 2, 10 pregnancy & ovulation tests, a Digital Basal Thermometer, and the Get Started TTC Kit guide. I also received a bonus of 10 pregnancy tests and 10 ovulation tests. Everything has been easy to use and understand. I was afraid the pills would be horse pills but surprisingly they aren't. They aren't any bigger than an ibuprofen bar. I am very happy with this product and hopeful that I will be pregnant in the near future. 

I received the ConceiveEasy TTC kit free of charge in exchange for my honest review. All opinions stated are my own. No other compensation was provided. 

A torn heart

My heart aches. It aches because I do not understand. How can you be so close with someone one day and the next it's as if you never even knew them. There are no words to explain. There are no actions to show they care. You're just left here alone not understanding what happened. Feeling forgotten. Feeling uncared for, unloved. Questioning every memory made. Wondering if it was real. Feeling this way is heartbreaking. It hurts so much being left behind and feeling like it doesn't even matter to them. Like your pain doesn't matter. Do they feel the same pain? You make someone such a huge part of your life, part of your heart, how can they just disappear before your eyes. Everything you once knew is no longer there. It is absolutely heart wrenching.

Big little brother

My brother was in a bike wreck last week. Never in my life have I been so scared. I have had awful moments in my life but I've been able to prepare for them. This was one of those things that I didn't know if he was going to be 100% okay or not. He may be in his twenties but he is still my little brother. To me he will always be eight years old. I feel like I'm suppose to protect him and with this there just isn't anything I can do. He is okay but he got road rash bad and he is in pain. I do not like seeing him in pain. It breaks my heart. Please pray for quick healing and pain relief for him.

A new leaf

Things have been good lately. I've changed my focus and it's allowed me to keep my emotions in check. It's not that I don't care anymore because I do but I realized that I can't change things. I can't do anything to make it different so why let it control me.

The man and I have been working on things around the house. We've painted and put in wood floors throughout the living room and hallway. It looks so good. We will be putting up new baseboards this weekend and I'll post a pic of the finished look after that. Next we need to get new living room furniture. Hopefully we will be able to agree on something when that time comes. Ha!

The dog has surgery tomorrow morning to get a mass removed. I'm slightly nervous only because he is so old but the vet said he will do great. So prayers for the furkid would be appreciated.

The kid starts school next week. Second year of Pre-K here we come! He is excited. It's a new school with a new teacher. It will be different this year because it's all week long but less hours a day. I won't have to mess with packing him a lunch since he will go to school in the mornings and then we will have lunch together after I pick him up. I'm hoping that school will wear him out enough that we can have naptime after lunch. I can't believe my baby boy is growing up so fast!

Things are busy. Which means my mind is busy. All is well.

Silence

I am me. I'm the same person I have always been. I haven't changed and I won't be changing. Not for you or any one else. I'm fine with who I am and you used to be too. I don't know what has changed. Things aren't like they used to be. People aren't who they've always been. And yet I'm still just me. I'm not going to shed anymore tears for this. I can't. I'm saddened by it and I'm hurt but I'm not going to let it control me or my thoughts anymore.

Actions speak louder than words. There are no actions and there are no words. Whats left?

Pillow Stains

Every night I wake up to tears falling. I lay here and i cry. The shut off valve is broken. Nobody gets it, nobody understands. I'm chained and trapped here alone while everyone has gone. I'm still here, fading fast.

A dream within a dream

You were a girl again this time. You weren't born yet though. I was laying there and you kicked me. It was one of those kicks at the end of the pregnancy where I could see your foot sticking out. I started rubbing in that same spot to get you to do it again. Then I woke up. I started rubbing my belly again when I realized I probably wasn't far enough along yet to feel you kicking, then I woke up from that dream rubbing my belly with the realization that you aren't in there. My mind was awake but my body was frozen. I couldn't get up. A dream within a dream.

I wish dreaming of you could leave me with happiness. I wish I could wake up and just smile to myself thinking of you. It never ends that way. I always wake in sadness and grief.

-Review- Grieving God's Way

Grieving God's WayThe Path to Lasting Hope and Healing

By Margaret Brownley
Published by Thomas Nelson

Book Description

A 90-day devotional healing experience for the grieving spirit.

The death of a family member or friend is devastating. In fact, it can take five years or more for a person to adequately work through his or her grief, but because we live in a fast-paced society, we often sweep it under the rug or ignore it altogether. God has another plan.

Man's Way: Numb the pain God's Way: Heal the pain

Man's Way: Don't talk about it God's Way: Share your pain

Man's Way: Time heals God's Way: Faith heals

Grieving God's Way is a 90-day reader designed to bring hope and healing to those who have experienced loss. Each thoughtful devotional begins with a scripture and ends with a haiku, written to affirm the positive theme of the text.

Divided into four categories—body, soul, heart, and spirit—each day's entry offers insight into the grieving process that increases understanding of God's purposeful plan for healing the heart and soul.

My Opinion

Grief. They tell you the different steps to grieving, shock and denial, pain and guilt, anger and bargaining, depression and loneliness, upward turn, reconstruction of life, and then acceptance and hope. While it is a base line for it, you are never prepared for how intense and consuming grief can be. It is mentally and physically exhausting. While its something I'm still dealing with, I do feel that this book is very helpful for me. In a time when so many pull away from their faith, pull away from God, they should be reaching for Him even more. Its hard to know where to place all of these emotions and feelings and this book has been a good guide for me. It has helped me be able to focus and to grow closer with God while dealing with my grief instead of ignoring it. I know that this book is going to continue helping me while my heart heals. 

I received this book from Booksneeze.com as part of their blogger program, in exchange for my honest opinion. All thoughts are my own and no other compensation was provided. 

God is with me, I won't be afraid.

Dreaming is one of my worst nightmares. Not just any dream but dreams of you. They are so great when I have them but the second I wake up the tears begin and I can't shake the feelings of pain and sadness. I had the worst of them all the other night. It was a feeling I hope I never have to experience in real life. You were there and then you weren't. In a flash you were gone. It didn't make any sense. How could something so beautiful go so terribly wrong? I tried to get everyone to explain it to me but they wouldn't talk, they just stared, at you and at me. I woke up after that and I've had a feeling of terror ever sense. I've kept it from taking over because Colt keeps saying his memory verse for the week. And now I've begun saying it as well.

God is with me,  I won't be afraid.  Psalm 118:6

Day 6 Living the Surrendered Life

I'm behind on posting these. Not that I haven't been doing them, because I have, I just don't always have things to share and I've been busy with some things around here lately. So on we go....

Romans 12:12
12 Let your hope make you glad. Be patient in time of trouble and never stop praying.


I started this blog shortly before I had opened my heart to God again. I had stopped going to church when I was a child and eventually I just drifted away from Him. I found comfort in my young wild days. Then I fell in love and after five years we became pregnant and got married. Life was going good. I wanted another baby. I waited and waited. Finally the time was right, we had just bought our house and we both agreed now was the time to start trying. With our son it took about a month -- I later found out that was basically a miracle that it happened so soon. I have PCOS. If you'd like to learn about it take a look here. This time around it wasn't happening so fast. I charted, temped, took vitamin after vitamin, it just wasn't working. We decided it was time to try the fertility drugs. I just knew in my heart it was going to happen. However to my dismay I found out that our insurance does not cover anything fertility related. My doctor marked me as infertile(BAM now that's a ton of bricks to the face).  Being labeled now meant I was no longer covered. We went ahead with the first round of clomid. With that came  a lot of lab work. Expensive lab work. None of it covered. We couldn't afford it. I was angry with God. I thought He was doing this too me. Now I know different. But then I didn't. That was when I started this blog hence the name IMPATIENTLY wishing on a star. 
I found myself in the waiting room. 

Officially I have been in the waiting room for a little over three years now. The difference between now and then is that I've accepted God into my heart. I may be in the waiting room but its Gods waiting room and He has it all planned out for exactly how long I will be waiting. I'm okay with that. Am I still sad? Well of course I am. I can't just turn those emotions off. It is easier now though. I may get sad sometimes like when my son is asking me about siblings, that breaks my heart. I know that its just a matter of time though. In this waiting time I'm learning things, things about myself, about God, about how to be a better Mother, Wife, Daughter, Sister, Friend. How to be a better me. This has been a very long hard journey but without it I don't know if or when I would of found God again. For that I am thankful. He is my savior, my rock. He is the one person that never disappears from my life. I don't have to 'try' with Him, I just have to be me and He loves me regardless. 
I don't sit around and hide from the world anymore. I don't talk about my infertility struggles as much anymore, but I hope that others remember that just because it isn't being spoken about does not make it any less of an issue or mean that the pain is not still there. I will be patient and continue praying and keep enjoying the beautiful days I've been given. 

Blueberry Banana Bread

Last week I found this delicious recipe over at the No Sugar Sweet Life. It was so good that it just wouldn't be right to not share! Kelly has a lot of other great recipes and living healthy tips on her blog so be sure to go and check it out.

Greek Yogurt Blueberry Banana Bread

1 1/2 cups Whole Wheat Pastry Flour
3 Tbsp Whole Wheat Pastry Flour
1 1/2 tsp Baking Powder
1/2 tsp kosher salt(optional)
1/2 cup Brown Sugar(or 1/4 cup agave nectar)
1 tsp Vanilla Extract
3 Lg ripe Bananas
2 eggs
6oz Chobani Vanilla Greek Yogurt ( or blueberry)
1 cup Blueberries (fresh or frozen)

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Combine flour, baking powder, salt in a large mixing bowl. In a separate bowl,  mash bananas with a fork until they are gooey and liquid-like. Add eggs, vanilla and brown sugar mixing thoroughly. Add greek yogurt. Whisk until everything is well combined and there are no lumps. Pour the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients, and mix until just combined. Fold in the blueberries. Pour batter into a greased loaf pan and distribute evenly. Bake for one hour, or until the top is golden brown and a toothpick comes out clean. Transfer to a cooling rack and let the bread cool for at least ten minutes before slicing.

Enjoy! :)

Day 2 Surrendered Life

Disappointment

Cindy Beall writes -
The natural response to an undesired event in our life is disappointment. Feeling disappointment is understandable and even accepted. But, it should be a stepping-stone on our path with Jesus...not the anchor that drowns us.

Proverbs 3:5-6
5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. 6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

We've talked about this at church recently as well and yet I'm still slow at doing what I know I need to do, what God has told me I need to do. I've been asking God to give me another child for years. We've been actively trying for three years now, I've been asking for longer. I'm constantly disappointed by this. I've come to know that it will happen in God's timing and His timing will be perfect but I still allow the disappointment to hold me back. I let the sadness and hurt stop me from growing and from being happy.

I've prayed, I've talked to God, I've listened to Him and He has told me what I need to do to get things going but I haven't followed through with my end of things.
I've been letting the disappointment be my anchor drowning me.

I need to actively listen to what He tells me and do my part so His amazing plans for me can get started.

Comments from others about Day 2 that really stuck with me are:
Kim B wrote.....God is reminding me not to rely on what I see, but to TRUST Him for what I don't see.
              Trust, Be in Him, & Follow!


I'm following along with the She Reads Truth: Surrendered Life devotional plan via web/YouVersion. I'm starting late and you can too! Join in and grow in your relationship with God! 

Day 1 Surrendered Life

Worry.
-Don't borrow trouble from tomorrow.

Matthew 6:25-27
25  I tell you not to worry about your life. Don't worry about having something to eat, drink, or wear. Isn't life more than food or clothing? 26 Look at the birds in the sky! They don't plant or harvest. They don't even store grain in barns. Yet your Father in heaven takes care of them. Aren't you worth much more than birds? 27 Can worry make you live longer?


-God will always provide for us, have faith and trust in Him.
-When you allow worry into your heart you are doubting God's love and faithfulness to provide for us.
-He knows what we need.

Romans 8:28
Worry is really just a smaller way to say we don't know if God will come through. Its our inability to trust Him to do what He says He will do, which is to make all things work for the good of those who love Him.

I'm a worrier, I've always been.
I worry and stress about everything.
In return I have horrible anxiety.

My answer for when I'm anxious: God.

If God is my medicine for when I'm having those anxious feelings then why not always have Him at the forefront of my thoughts. He isn't just a sometimes guy, He is always there for us even when we choose not to see Him. He is always there.

He is first. Above all else God ALWAYS comes first.

I need to pray more.
I need to thank God more.
Praise Him more.

He proves to me His unconditional love on a daily basis, why not do the same for Him.


I'm following along with the She Reads Truth: Surrendered Life devotional plan via web/YouVersion. I'm starting late and you can too! Join in and grow in your relationship with God! 

I heart you

I've been looking around on pinterest tonight and finding some things that I'm just over the top in LOVE with! Just thought I'd share.

How beautiful is this! I would love to have something like this one day. I need to do a mock wedding photo shoot and have more kiddos! This is gorgeous. 

I love old cameras and suitcase typewriters. When I was younger we had a suitcase typewriter that I claimed as my own and used it all the time. I loved that! I need to see if my parents still have it. I inherited some cool vintage cameras from my husbands side of the family but I'm too scared I'll break them that I haven't dug into them yet, I need to get them out and see what all I have. 

 I'm in love with all things old and all things LOVE.

I've always said that I would be happy to have a house full of boys and while I would be just as happy there is a small little part of me that lately has been really hoping I'll get to have some frilly girly time with a little lady of my own. One of these days.......

-Review- Heaven is for Real -Conversation Kit

My Opinion:

I enjoyed the Heaven is for Real (DVD-based conversation kit), it was great to have that as an extra resource for my own personal use but I'm not sure it would work very well in a bible study group as its intended to. I don't feel like it lived up to the expectations set from the book but nothing can really compare to that. I enjoyed listening to Todd Burpo recount the stories. 

Book Description:

The best-selling book about heaven that has changed the world is now a DVD-based conversation kit for churches and small groups. In addition to learning more about what the Bible teaches about heaven, groups will hear first-hand from the Burpo family about Colton's experience in heaven and the way it has changed their lives. Each video session features Todd, Sonja, and Colton, and is filmed interview-style with Natalie Tysdal, the Denver FOX/CW News reporter whose initial interview with the family has gone viral on the internet.

The Conversation Guide (ISBN 9781418550684) will take group members through key Bible passages about heaven, helping them understand more about who goes to heaven, when they go there, and what heaven is like.

Features include:

--5 (10- to 18-minute) video sessions featuring Todd, Sonja, and Colton answering frequently asked questions about heaven and their experiences

--A special message of hope from Sonja to women who have experienced miscarriages

--Conversation Guide written for both believers and non-believers in accessible language to help group members discover what the Bible teaches about heaven

I received one copy from Book Sneeze as part of their Blogger Review Program in exchange for my honest opinion.  No other compensation was provided. 

Great Strides 2012

This cheesy boy and I enjoyed our time at Great Strides this year. He got fussy quickly though so we didn't get to stay until the end but nonetheless we had a good time while there. He had a m&m donut, made a sign to show his support for Aunt Coco, went inside a PINK firetruck and saw some great friends! We ended up reaching our goal of $150 which we were happy about and came up with some ideas on how to raise more for next year. 

No rain on my sunny day!

A lot has been going on around here lately. I've got a lot going on, in life and in my mind. Things will calm back down soon.....I hope! We have a few extras around here, visiting for the summer. Its fun. It brings up a lot of emotions for me as well. I really am enjoying having a full house which makes me wonder if/when I will have a full house of my own. I haven't been sleeping well. I'm having health issues(see previous posts) again. I'm laying in bed now because I'm hurting. I've been sad. My tears just sit lingering at the edge waiting to drop. Things will be better though.

I have a LOT to be happy and grateful for. I have an amazing family. My mom is my rock. Oh and my friends, you wouldn't believe how big of a jackpot I hit on that one! They are awesome. I have the best nieces and nephew a girl could ask for. 

 I got Colt enrolled in Pre-K today. He is all set to go, just have to get school supplies...oh and wait until August for school to start! We are excited, I'm excited. We love the school we were at last year but we decided to switch him to public schools so this will be his first BIG school. Yay! My boy is growing up too fast. He got a big BIG boy bed last weekend. We got him a twin wood bed with a trundle and storage underneath. I love it. It's perfect for when we are having guest like we are now and it will be great for when he starts having sleepovers. It looks like the picture below only the wood is a bit lighter and the trundle mattress is where the storage drawers are at and our drawers are on the bottom. 

I won two giveaways recently. One of my favorite books is 'The secret life of CeeCee Wilkes' by Diane Chamberlain. I was absolutely thrilled when I found out that I had won one of her recent books titled 'The Good Father'. I'm only on chapter one so far and can not wait to find time to sit down so I can get further into it. It is going to be a good one. 

Here is how my morning started.....I was laying on the couch after the hubs left for work thinking to myself about how much I didn't want to get up and take the trash out. I didn't want to do it because two weekends ago our garage door opener broke. Or the belt broke? I don't know, whatever broke made it so that you can't just open the garage door without propping it open with something and risking it falling on your head. So I was laying there thinking how can I get the trash out? I could take it through the house..no thanks. I could walk it all the way around the house through the back gate...eh.. its too early for all that. I could lift the garage door with one hand and hold it up while I toss the bags out with the other and then go around to the front of the house to take to the curb. Ding ding that's the winner. Still a lot of work. I'm tired. :::Okay so that was my conversation with myself. I decided to procrastinate and check my email. Boy oh boy how excited I was when I saw that I had WON a new GARAGE DOOR OPENER!!! How amazing is that!?! Not just a regular old garage door opener either, this is a high-tech fancy schmancy one. Yay! I feel so blessed! My husband isn't believing it until he sees it though. It will be here soon...installation included...and when it is he said he will take me out on a date. I'm so excited to see his face when he realizes its for reals!! 

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

CONGRATULATIONS

The winner is ........................CASSIE BAKER!!!

I hope you enjoy the book with your kids as much as I have enjoyed it with mine!! Muah! 

-Review & Giveaway- I Couldn't Love You More

I Couldn't Love You More

by Matt Hammitt and Jason Ingram

About the book: 

In the same manner as touching picture books like bestsellers Let Me Hold You Longer and Love You Forever, I Couldn't Love You More tells a sweet, loving, yet powerful message: I couldn’t love you more, but there is someone who does. Through the unique relationship of adorable animals, the book shares that Christ is always with you and he loves you more than you can imagine. This engaging picture book combines lovable and irresistible images with the lyrics from the song (co-written by Jason Ingram and Matt Hammitt). Matt is lead vocalist for Sanctus Real, a Grammy-nominated Christian rock band. The song is on Hammitt’s latest album, Every Fallen Tear. When Matt and his wife, Sarah, were halfway through her pregnancy, they discovered their son would be born with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome (HLHS), a rare congenital defect. Matt and Sarah’s son, Bowen, was born on 9/9/10 and received a huge following through the Hammitt’s blog (bowensheart.com), K-LOVE, and ABC News. A portion of the proceeds from the book goes to the foundation the Hammitts’ have started to help parents with children who have this heart condition.

My thoughts: 

Jesus has so much love for us and to know that is an amazing feeling. This is more than just a book,  it is a story of His love. It is important for my son to know just how much he is loved. I tell him all the time. He tells me all the time. He needs to hear it and he needs to feel it. We are all so busy that sometimes we get into a routine of things and it can feel just like it, a routine. Love is not routine. I make sure to love on my baby boy every chance I get, just because. Just because I love him. He knows that the only love greater than mine is the love of Jesus. 

We really enjoyed this book and will continue reading it nightly. I think this is a great book to use as a tool to help establish your childs faith. I hope all children know of His love. I hope they all are able to feel His touch through anothers embrace. 

I must also add that the illustrations in this book are absolutely stunning. The artist Polona Lovsin is an amazing artist. We loved all of the pictures, cover to cover, just beautiful! 

Win a copy: 

You can win a copy for your child by entering the giveaway. Good Luck! 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

I received a copy of this book and a certificate for a free copy(per giveaway) in exchange for my honest review as part of the Tyndale blogger review program. No other compensation was provided. My thoughts are my own. 

Please tell me how you really feel....

I have never in my life been hurt by someone this much before. I had suspicions of how someone was feeling as they were more apparent than they realized but I was hoping I was just reading in to it all too much. I thought things had gotten better, but then I find something and now I'm stunned. Stunned by the words and the thoughts they had. I'm confused. I'm hurt. I'm disgusted. I would never tell someone how they are suppose to be feeling, or what they are NOT allowed to be feeling. I would never tell someone that they weren't as close with someone as they thought they were. The only people that know the real relationship, the real friendship between two people are the two people that the friendship is about. How in the hell is it any body's place to tell me how close I was with some one. 

From now on I will be keeping my thoughts and feelings to myself because I'm obviously not allowed to have them. 

The puppet master

I hope that one day I will be able to be me. Maybe some day me being me wont interfere with everyone else's plans and they won't mind so much if I have my own opinions. If I do what I want to do. If I smile at what makes me happy. Laugh at what I think is funny.
Maybe one of these days people won't treat me as their puppet. One day the strings will be cut and they will just let me be me.

10,000 Reasons

There has been so many heavy issues weighing on my heart lately. My eyes fill with tears daily as the sadness overwhelms me. I can't let that take over me anymore though. There are reasons why I am sad but when you think about it there are so many more reasons to smile and rejoice in these beautiful days we've been given. I may not know His exact plans for me yet but I do know that they will be great! I love an amazing God!  

Oh how glorious He is

On Easter weekend my sister and her two girls got water baptized! It was amazing being able to witness it. I am so happy and proud of them! Praise Jesus, He is AMAZING!

Kenzie

Jayden

Marisa

Afterwards: Me, Kenzie, Marisa(my sister), Jayden, and my Momma

Here is the Easter Service from Church. I hope you get a chance to watch it, it was great!

Easter 2012 (Welcome Home) from Church on the Move on Vimeo.

Foxy Love

My heart is heavy with sadness and my eyes are filled with tears. Tonight is a hard one. I miss my foxy girls.

I cry

I wake up in the middle of the night and I cry. I hold my pillow over my face to muffle the sound and I cry.
I cry and I cry and I cry.
I cry because I miss you but most of all I cry because of what you left behind. Who you left behind. They are all heartbroken but there is one in particular I'm scared of losing. She is in the dark and fading fast.
You were the shining light, the glorious smile that lit up our lives and showed us the way. Without you here it is darker and it is colder. I need you to help her. I know you are still there. I know you are standing right behind her, arms wrapped around her keeping her from falling but she needs to feel you, hear you, hold you. She needs you. I can't do what you did. I can't be who you were. I can't say what you would say.
I don't know what more to do. I'm lifting my hands up to God and sending hugs and kisses to you. Help me. Please. Show me what I'm suppose to do to help her get through.

With you

I haven't slept much since you left. I haven't been awake much either. I'm not sure if I'm here or there. I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm at. I feel scared and alone. This whirlwind of emotions is just too much for my brain to handle. I feel like I'm on a roller-coaster and I can't get off and I can't get the lap bar to lock into place either. I am barely holding on and at any minute I'm going to go flying off losing myself for ever if I haven't already. 
I keep replaying the past in my mind. Going over memory after memory pausing to remember the facial expressions only you could make. Hearing the sound of your voice in my head. Your scent as I kissed your forehead for the last time. Your laugh. Your hair(& at times, the lack of). Your love and passion for the ones you held dear to your heart. Your strength and determine. I close my eyes and I remember you. I close my eyes and hope you will meet me in my dreams for one last hello. 

He is my Lifeguard

With all the things going on lately this was the perfect saying that I needed to hear today. Thank you to my Foxy Jessie for sharing it with me.

Picture Credit goes to the BFF Colette

Why so serious?

So much has been happening here lately that I never updated with the results of my tests I had. I also realized that I have been just beating around the bush and not actually saying what is going on. There is no reason to be secretive so here it is.

I was having some issues with my left breast so I had gone in and they wanted me to have a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound. I was also suppose to have a galactagram done but was unable to at the time so I have to wait to see if it happens again to have it. So I had the mammogram and ultrasound done and the doc said all was well however on my right breast (the one I was having ZERO issues with) showed something and she wanted another mammogram done on it. So we did another two shots with a glass cup pressed on me this time. The nurse came back after and said that there are some spots and the doc said for me to come back in six months to make sure they are still stable. So then I get the paper in the mail that states that "we have found (we believe)benign spots and recommend another mammogram in six months". Hmmmm....... You believe they are benign but you have no actual way of telling and I'm suppose to just wait six months before finding out? What if it isn't benign and I wait the six months and things get worse? What then? Oh and I'm still having horrible pain in my left breast that no one is concerned with because nothing was found on that side.

So yeah that's what I've been dealing with.

I'm Here

Any time you need me,  just call me. Let me know what I can do to help you during this time. I am always here for you no matter what.

Me: I need you now
You: Oh sorry I'm busy.

Thank you. I appreciate it. I won't be trying again later.

Never Stop Dancing

You went to dance in Heaven today. I want to say so many things but there are no words to explain how we are feeling without you. You were the strongest most amazing woman I have ever known. You were my friend, my sister, my sugar plum snuggle wuggles. You were our sweet sweet Foxy Lady. We love you so much. We will see you again beautiful cat-eyed girl.